In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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