Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
