I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
