so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
