Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
