i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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