there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
