id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
