i barfeds in our rink
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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