I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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