So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
