Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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