I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
