there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
