I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
