you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
