apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
