What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
