dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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