I think I am morally bankrupt
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
