I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
