I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She's like a pop up book from hell.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
