Non-Jews are for practice
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
