There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
