OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
