I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Pants are for mortals
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
