She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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