Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
