What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
