No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
