you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
