My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
