I heard we made out
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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