just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
