I can text with my tongue
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
