Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
