That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
