I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
