dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
someone owes me an orgasm
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
don't judge my taste in strippers
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
