i permit you to call me
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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