They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
