BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
