girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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