There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
