Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
