Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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