She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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