I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
