I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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