I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
