btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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