Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
operation have a gay friend backfired
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
