also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
