I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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