i don't like sucking hair
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
