All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You've changed since you got that strap on
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
