my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
