sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
