I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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