dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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