take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
